2020: New Year, Same Old Struggle

Immediately I found myself in 2020, I knew I was on a timeline. I would finish my service in the early months of the year and it won’t be easy to settle down afterwards.

Having all these considerations in mind, I drafted my plans for the year. The amazing thing about my life currently is that I care more about the afterlife than the current life. As a result, I made it my target to gain more knowledge in order to increase my iman. That’s the target.

The current challenge is to find a balance between striving for the dunya and attaining salvation in the akhirah. We are already in the second month of the year. I am at the cusp of finishing my national service and things are as dire as ever. I am on the brink of being introduced into the real world and in the real world, it is every man for himself.

At the moment, I care more about attaining beneficial knowledge. I want a situation where I fund my knowledge thirst using a job and I am open to all options. And this is why I have applied for locum jobs in different places. I want a situation where I get to choose the best if more than one pans out. In all my life, I have always kept myself secluded. I am not used to these power struggles and smart play. I have to utilise all my resources to get what I want. And I want so many things!

Though, I try hard to remove the love of wealth from my mind, I find it impossible to balance the fact that I need money to even afford the basic necessities of life. The question that then arises is how do you square this? I find it increasingly hard to accept that it is possible for one to maintain his iman in this modern world that is all about material accomplishment and vanity. Don’t get me wrong, I want the good things life has to offer, I just find it hard to balance the quest for the good things of life and the ultimate target of attaining paradise. This has been the main culprit for my apparent lack of ambition. My friends and loved ones claim that they see so much wasted potential in me but I on the other hand, don’t want to lose my hereafter for the dunya and here lies the conundrum!
As I plan for life after service, I think of the blessed month of Ramadan that is barely 60 days away. As Ramadan approaches, I want to increase my spirituality, but I find that spirituality increases with detaching oneself from the excessive love of material things of the dunya. I want to be in a place that is good for my deen and iman during Ramadan, if Allah spares my live and enables me see the time in good health.

My mind is always full of thoughts like these, most especially after every chance I encounter to improve my lot in life. It is a constant struggle. The struggle is even made harder by the reality of my not being free of sin. So, I am constantly afraid of losing the fight for the hereafter. Notwithstanding, there are always silver linings. Things always improve. Things could always be harder. And I am lucky to be part of the chosen generation (Q2:110). The struggles I go through daily is simply because life was not meant to be a bed of roses. Life was always meant to test us and prepare us for success in the afterlife. That is what I believe as a man of faith. As always, I end with a prayer, may the Almighty Allah grant us success in this world and most especially in the next.

IT'S AN EXTROVERT’S World!

With my Passing Out Parade (POP) from national youth service barely two weeks away, I find myself in a period of uncertainty and soul-searching. Amidst the need for utilising connections to secure a position for myself, it is increasingly obvious that my introversion is making me less effective at utilising connections for my personal benefit.

Every day I go to work, perform my duties as best as I can and go back home. I don’t have much of a social life. My life is basically work and studies. I also do a part-time job to supplement my NYSC allowance. In the end, all my time is dedicated to either earning a living or personal development. In spite of this, I still have the opportunity to meet people and make connections in my places of work. I have met a number of notable personalities and when I look at my life prior to youth service, I thank Allah for how far I’ve come.

Don’t get me wrong, it’s not that I hate meeting people, to the contrary, I like meeting new people and hanging out with my few friends. I just prefer it for short moments and with intervals. This is because after meeting people, I would need time to recharge my energy in private.

I try to gauge how my behaviour affects my close friends and family and to the best of my knowledge they understand me and give me the space I need without judging me and I’m grateful for that.

This brings me to my feelings towards using my acquaintances to get things for myself. As much as possible, I dislike asking for help or favours. In fact, this is part of my prayer points every day (to be independent and not ask others for help. I know it’s a long shot)! I’m not sure it’s due to just my introversion. I just prefer to be self-sufficient. But the longer I live, the more I discover that it is impossible to live without the help of others. And with that understanding, I try to ask for the minimum and try not to burden people with my needs. I am trying to adapt to the reality of living in this country and it requires connections either in the form of referrals, endorsements or the likes. It’s not just the country; the whole world requires connections in one way or the other.

As I try to navigate living in a world meant for extroverts as a minority, adaptation is key. I’ve learnt to how to approach important people and keep their acquaintance, I’ve also learnt how to make people understand that I am a little different. This is important because I live in a society where a person is judged based on how he interacts with people and there are expected social interaction etiquettes. When I make acquaintances, I try to make them understand how my disposition is a little different from the usual and ask for some consideration. Most of the times, they acquiesce.

The last few months have been revolutionary. The service year has aided me in my understanding of how the country and the world works and how I fit in. I am trying to see how I contribute my quota to the development of this country and how my existence will help change the world for the better. Such change will need to start from somewhere. I am willing to make the necessary sacrifices to make it happen. In the end, we only succeed in life when we touch the lives of others. May we be the light that sparks positive change in the world.