RAPIDLY DYNAMIC LIFE

I find the fact that life changes rapidly both disturbing and reassuring at the same time. On one hand good times would never last and even when they somehow last, one finds himself looking for something more and life is not designed to satisfy all our wants only Jannah can. This is the disturbing aspect. On the other hand, since life is constantly changing, bad times would definitely be replaced by good times or better times, hence the reassuring aspect of the dynamic life. These days I find myself without drive and making questionable decisions. That must change. I am praying for a better version of myself.

Yesterday, a friend sent me links to various scholarships to study in different countries. I was instantly discouraged by the realisation that I would have to call and beg some individuals to write recommendation letters for me. I understand that I cannot survive alone in this life but I find it extremely difficult to ask for help, even from my close family members. This is something I also have to work on.

Post NYSC life has been a shocker. I am supposed to be actively searching for a reasonable employment but I find myself lacking enthusiasm. I’m too comfortable with the status quo and that’s a bad thing for me. As I go out daily in search of my meal, I am expected to look for better places to fix myself. Truth be said, I have looked without success and at present, I don’t really care anymore.

On a closer look, part of the reason I am not enthusiastic about life and progress is because I have a feeling I am not going to live long. Not just feelings, I see signs in my body. I pray that I attain Jannah. At this point, that’s all I care about, not work, not western study, not starting a family and the rest.

Though I sometimes feel my relatively low confidence is the reason I have not lived up to my potential, deep in my heart, I know that the real reason is because I no longer care much about the world. I want to live a moderate life. A sheltered life.  A life without noise. A life actively seeking Allah’s pleasure. And in sha Allah, it would be a realisation. Regarding wealth and material acquisitions, my belief is that if I am destined to attain any of those, they would come at the right time. At the moment, I am not actively striving for any of those.

I want to be more spiritual in my life. To care more about the afterlife. It scares me that my iman rises and falls and I sometimes fall into shameful sins. Anytime I look at how the modern world is structured to lead us to Jahannam, my mind skips a beat. The struggle to maintain one’s iman in this age is a difficult one. I try and try and try but I still fail a times. This is where the dynamic nature of life is an advantage. Every moment of weakness can potentially be replaced by a moment of strong faith and action. O Allah I pray that you reward all our struggles with Jannah. Ameen.

AS ANOTHER HIJRI YEAR COMES TO A CLOSE: 1441AH YEAR IN REVIEW

Today in sha Allah marks the end of the year 1441 after the migration of the noble prophet Muhammad SAW from Makkah to Madinah. Personally, it’s been a quite eventful year full of ebbs and tides. I started out the year as a corps member and finished off as a post NYSC pharmacist struggling through the post COVID-19 world. In between, things were so colourful. Though, I must say the year started out as a hopeful year, around the middle of the year things turned south. Covid-19 happened. The whole world witnessed an unprecedented change and it hasn’t recovered yet. I think the most emotional thing I witnessed this year was the hajj being cancelled, for international pilgrims. Instead, we witnessed an awe-inspiring limited private hajj for selected pilgrims from within the Kingdom (KSA). Even the Ramadan was different. We had to pray the taraweeh at home as all the masajid were closed due to the pandemic. It was a rather unusual Ramadhan but like most seemingly bad occurrences for muslims, this one came with a silver lining too. People had more time to worship Allah as workplaces were also closed due to the pandemic.

Enough with the depressing covid-19 recap. 1441 was a year of contradictions for me. There were times I had a spiritual high and other times I couldn’t recognise myself due to the low. I won’t say more but I could have definitely done better during my lows. This is something I must work on going forward.

Despite the hardships and uncertainties that we faced during the outgoing year, I am profoundly and immensely grateful for how life turned out in the end. Things are definitely looking good and in sha Allah, I will succeed in all my endeavours and become a better person in the process. I have many shortcomings as a mere mortal, but I am hopeful that I can do better, be better.

The way this year ran out is a warning to us reminding us that our time on the big blue ball is limited and that the time we have left is rapidly running out. This way, we are forced to take heed and work harder towards ensuring that our abode in the hereafter is a good one at the minimum. I always try to keep a healthy balanced between the hope for Allah’s mercy and the fear of his punishment. This balance is the only way a person can keep himself steadfast on the path to salvation.

No matter what I do, whatever my feelings, the year is gone and the year would bear witness to Allah regarding our actions and inactions during the year. It terrifies me that I sin often despite knowing the Islamic position. Sometimes I try to justify myself by telling myself that I sin because the entire modern world is wired to make us sin. But then, a realisation dawned on me, we sin not because we are constantly surrounded by sin or its triggers, but because our state of mind at the moment of sin is such that we were vulnerable to shaitan. And this is a loophole I have to work on. It requires commitment, discipline and the aid of the Almighty, most especially. Anytime I remember death and Jannah and Jahannam, I lose my strength and will to fight for my attenuated dreams. I then quickly realise that I have to go on because the life was designed that way by the Almighty.

I pray that Allah accepts all our acts of worship during the outgoing year and forgives us for our shortcomings and weaknesses. We can only rely on the mercy of Allah at all times. May Almighty Allah keep us steadfast upon the faith.