RAPIDLY DYNAMIC LIFE

I find the fact that life changes rapidly both disturbing and reassuring at the same time. On one hand good times would never last and even when they somehow last, one finds himself looking for something more and life is not designed to satisfy all our wants only Jannah can. This is the disturbing aspect. On the other hand, since life is constantly changing, bad times would definitely be replaced by good times or better times, hence the reassuring aspect of the dynamic life. These days I find myself without drive and making questionable decisions. That must change. I am praying for a better version of myself.

Yesterday, a friend sent me links to various scholarships to study in different countries. I was instantly discouraged by the realisation that I would have to call and beg some individuals to write recommendation letters for me. I understand that I cannot survive alone in this life but I find it extremely difficult to ask for help, even from my close family members. This is something I also have to work on.

Post NYSC life has been a shocker. I am supposed to be actively searching for a reasonable employment but I find myself lacking enthusiasm. I’m too comfortable with the status quo and that’s a bad thing for me. As I go out daily in search of my meal, I am expected to look for better places to fix myself. Truth be said, I have looked without success and at present, I don’t really care anymore.

On a closer look, part of the reason I am not enthusiastic about life and progress is because I have a feeling I am not going to live long. Not just feelings, I see signs in my body. I pray that I attain Jannah. At this point, that’s all I care about, not work, not western study, not starting a family and the rest.

Though I sometimes feel my relatively low confidence is the reason I have not lived up to my potential, deep in my heart, I know that the real reason is because I no longer care much about the world. I want to live a moderate life. A sheltered life.  A life without noise. A life actively seeking Allah’s pleasure. And in sha Allah, it would be a realisation. Regarding wealth and material acquisitions, my belief is that if I am destined to attain any of those, they would come at the right time. At the moment, I am not actively striving for any of those.

I want to be more spiritual in my life. To care more about the afterlife. It scares me that my iman rises and falls and I sometimes fall into shameful sins. Anytime I look at how the modern world is structured to lead us to Jahannam, my mind skips a beat. The struggle to maintain one’s iman in this age is a difficult one. I try and try and try but I still fail a times. This is where the dynamic nature of life is an advantage. Every moment of weakness can potentially be replaced by a moment of strong faith and action. O Allah I pray that you reward all our struggles with Jannah. Ameen.